Sunday, October 17, 2010

'Nuff Said!

I had a very long and involved and EXCITING dream last night. I dream that we got a dishwasher.....

'Nuff said.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Whew! What Just Happened?

I figured since September came and almost went, I better get on here. First order of business- saving lives. I just ordered my FREE kit from Be the Match - the online bone marrow donor registry. You can save lives by simply ordering the FREE kit, doing a couple of saliva swabs, and sending them off in hopes that you will be the match for someone in need. So I did it! Have you? Do it now, here! It's so easy and did I mention it's FREE? I sound like a commerical. But seriously, leukemia is curable and your bone marrow just may do the trick, so give it a shot will ya?! If you need a little nudge, read this post of mine.

Alright, next order of business - be thankful. Here's a list: I am thankful that....

Micah is going to be okay.
I just got 7 months off to spend with my family and 6 of them were paid.
I have an awesome husband and awesome kids.
I found my 13 year old cat tonight that has been missing for 10 days.
He's not dead. He's hurt, but not dead.
I'm still BFF's with my BFF from pre-school. Yup, 4 yrs old, first real friend, Francesca. Love that girl.
My face isn't as wrinkly as my hands.
My kids are healthy.
I'm not fat. Plump, but not fat.
I'm happy.

I've been having weird dreams lately. (Oh, we're done with the thankful thing. Moving on now.) I often lay in bed at night and come up with really amazing and sometimes even profound blog posts.... they never make it to the keyboard though because it's always just before I drift off. So annoying that I can't access that creative part of my brain when I'm really awake. Anyway, I went to sleep and dreamt up this AMAZING blog! Only to wake up and not be able to reproduce it at all. I do that with clothing designs too. In my dreams I'm a genius designer, and then I wake up and can't recall the important details. Oh well. At least I've got it in my dreams. Ha!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Tell It Like It Is

I'm not sure it gets much better than this. Really, I think I am experiencing bliss, and it feels so great. Life with a new baby is somewhat like being intoxicated, but without the bad ending. Time seems to just fly by in a blur, which is almost infuriating when I'm having so much fun. And probably equally as infuriating to my various friends and family members who don't get return phone calls, and when they do, I always have to preface with "I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, but..." and what I want to finish with is "I'm just so preoccupied with my family I can't bear to stop and return phone calls." And besides, if I did you'd have to know that on the other end of the line lies a breastfeeding baby, a squealing toddler that is pretending to fence with me and keeps hitting me with his sword while saying "On Guard!", all while a certain 9 year old is standing right next to the phone pretending like she's not eavesdropping but really hanging on every word.

Lately I find my days so full and colorful, and yet when they're over I feel sad that I couldn't record them. I lay in bed and words rush through that I wish I had the energy to put on paper, but I'm so exhuasted and I'm already in bed and it's late. Too late. Or I'll have a fantastic blog post running through my head - but the computer's off and so are all the lights in the house and I'm just not getting up. But I think I've been feeling especially grateful and sensitive lately because I know that this time is only mine for a minute, and that soon I will have to return to work and I'll have less of it. So while I'm here, there are a few things I ought to spit out:

Kim is the best husband in the world. I know he's in physical pain and he's got a lot on his shoulders, but every single morning he gets up and gets the kids ready and lets me sleep a little. Even weekends. When I think he should stay home and rest because he looks like he needs it, he straps on his shoes and goes anyway, because he wants to bring home the bacon. He loves us, and we love him.

Zyan is the most incredible 9 year old - she amazes me every day with the love she has for her little brother and sister, her desire to help and the way she effortlessly mothers her siblings, her incredible patience for it all, her humor, her strenth, and most importantly her self confidence and love. She is fully aware of the internal beauty she possesses as a unique and individual person, yet she has the same awareness of the beauty of those around her. In her words "Everyone is perfect."

Adlai has surpassed any expectation I could have had for him, in all areas. He is such a firecracker, and can bring me to tears with laughter in the things he says and does. I had no idea what having a boy would do to me, and it literally has changed my views on so many things - parenting being a big one! He teaches me more and more each day, and I am so grateful to have him as my son. Watching him with Paisley has been one of the most gratifying experiences I have had in life. He has such deep love and concern for her, it's almost as if he's known her his whole life. The sound of her cry will cause him to drop everything and run to her, to console her, kiss her, hug her, and tell her it's alright because he's there. And it is. She loves him just the same.

Paisley has changed me. Since the moment I found out she was growing inside me, she has brought me nothing but gifts and joy. She has reminded me of a belief that I have always thought to be true, but in the recent years had a hard time really living - the universe will take care of me no matter what, and good things are coming. Staring into her eyes will evoke the most beautiful baby smile, every single time. She loves to look deep into my eyes, and we'll just sit and do that while she nurses, sometimes smiling and giggling, and other times just looking into each other. Her energy is so positive and happy and calm - she spends her time either sleeping soundly, sitting quietly, or engaging those around her with smiles and giggles. When she needs something she politely lets me know with a little wail that is less than a cry. Such a sweetheart.

And me, well I'm loving every moment. Having this time off from work has brought me some well needed perspective. I am reminded that I am not stuck, that I can be (and have been) inspired and creative, and that there is a whole lot more to me than I even know. I have confirmation that being home with my kids really *is* what I want, and that I have a lot of talents that will allow me to do that when the time is right. I am also very thankful for the job I do have, and don't regret having it for a second. I have been very fortunate in the last 10 years, and I am thankful for that.

Funny, this post went down a totally different path than I originally intended. When I wrote it in my head, I was finally going to get a little "spicy" and say something maybe a little controversial for once. Instead I got all gushy, but just for kicks I'll say it anyway. I was going to write about the fact that since I have been home for the last 6 months with my kids, I can say with every cell in my body that there is NO WAY that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world like everyone wants you to believe. Nope. Being a working mom is the hardest job in the world. Through my eyes, anyway. Being a working mom just means you have all the same duties as a SAHM but less time to do them, plus all the work duties! Not to metion the sadness and guilt you experience. Bleh. If it is really the hardest job in the world then why don't all the SAHM's run for the workplace? LOL.

For the record, I am talking about strictly SAHM's like what I've been doing for the last 6 months. Added jobs like homeschooling, working at home, running a farm, etc. are JOBS in my opinion and so are part of the working mom group. Funny that I even thought to write "running a farm" but I actually have a friend who does that and it's not your average SAHM gig, let me tell ya.

But seriously, if I had to pick between doing dishes, cleaning up pee puddles on the floor, walking out to my front porch to find my toddler naked with a hose and mud dripping down my front door and all over him while my baby barfs in my hair and my oldest yells at me from the shower to bring her a towel and the dinner burns on the stove as the guests pull into the driveway and the dog runs out to hug them - and leaving my kids to go to work every day???? Sorry, but work just isn't that interesting.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sweet Love

Zyan and Adlai were wrestling on the floor. From the closet I could hear the grunting and the "GRRRR" and then the collapse and giggles. And then again "GRRRR, eh, eeeee, mmmmm,...... ha ha ha ha ha," and squeals of laughter. Once more, "GRRRR, eeekkkk, huuuuu" and then in a tiny whisper I hear Zyan: "I love you Adlai" and in his husky little whisper back "I love you too."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I wanna....

I wanna....
Be a stay at home mom
Get paid while doing it
Read lots of good books
Start by reading a book period
Get my house clean
Keep my house clean
Put my makeup on in the house instead of the car
Give to others
Teach my kids to give to others
Grow more, buy less
Write in my journal more
Blog more
Organize photos
Be inspired
Inspire others
Live in the moment
Plan for the future
Have more BBQ's
Share a bottle of wine with someone
Paint my toes

Win the lottery.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Mama...... is a pushover.

For the first time in what feels like an eternity, I got to snuggle alone with my boy tonight before bed. Kim has taken on the bedtime duties since Paisley's arrival, and I've been missing those sweet nightime snuggles.

We sat in the dark on the couch in his room, him on my lap with his arms around me, and I realized it was one of those moments I'll never forget. No apparent reason, just silence and the snuggles. Finally, he said "Mama, you sing me songs."

"You want me to sing me your nightime songs?"
"Yes, Mama."
"Ok, I'll sing you your nighttime songs, and then it's time for you to go to sleep in your bed, ok?"
"Ok, Mama."
So together we sang ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Away in the Manger like we do every night. As soon as we were done:

"Mama, I hungry."
"We already ate dinner, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want water."
"No need for water now, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want Daddy."
"We already said goodnight to Daddy, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want Zyan."
"Time for bed."
"Mama, I want socks."
??? He has a point there, he didn't have socks on. But I was on to his game.
"It's time for bed Adlai, time for sleep."
"Mama, I want to go to the beach."

As hard as it was, I refrained from laughing hysterically and congratulating him on his hard work, creativity, and refusal to give up. Then I carried him to his bed and said goodnight one last time.

And somehow, that determined little 2 year old is on the couch with Kim and Zyan watching a movie and eating popcorn at this very moment.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Out of This World

When I was a kid (wayyyy back in the 80's, lol) one of my favorite shows was called "Out of This World. It was about a girl named Evie who was half alien, and she could stop time by putting her two index fingers together. She would still be awake, and everyone else would be frozen. I don't remember much else about the show, but for the rest of my life I have always wished for that superpower. When I was a teenager and a young adult, the main reason I wanted that power was so that I could sleep longer before school or work.

Ironically, now that I am a mom of 3, it's not the sleep that I want. I just want to sit and stare at my beautiful babies, and watch them sleep. I want to snuggle them up and kiss and hug them and I want the whole world to stop so I can do it for as long as I want without anyone or anything beckoning. And I selfishly want to prolong the inevitable, even just for a few extra moments..... I want to stop that crazy fast growing that they do while you blink!!!

So Princess Paisley is a whole month old. A whole month! First she was 4 weeks, and I sort of scooted through that day putting off the "one month" label. But yesterday she was officially one month old - June 22. Sigh. I spent the day with her, snuggling in the morning and then running around like busy bees in the afternoon. Pick up Adlai from school, grab a bite to eat, dentist for a cleaning for me, pick up Zyan from her first day at camp, clean up a bit. Sigh again. Sad that I couldn't just stop everything and smell my sweet baby all day. As a happy ending to the day we all took a family walk up to Rite Aid and bought some Kettle Corn, and Kim, Zy and I watched the new Alice in Wonderland after Adlai and Paisley went to sleep. It was a nice end to the day.

Today we had Paisley's one month appt at the doc. She's 10 pounds on the dot! She hasn't grown lengthwise (still 22 in.) but her cute little head grew by 3 inches and she's gained almost 2 pounds! She was 8lb, 13oz when she was born but then went down to 8lb 3oz by day three, so she's almost gained 2 pounds since then. My little chunker. She definitely looks bigger to me and she's started smiling! Sooo cute. Just like her brother, her first real spontaneous smile was on her 4 week birthday. Love.

Speaking of her brother, Adlai is just hilarious and soooo sweet and loving with Paisley. He's said some pretty adorable things - he's absolutely in love with her. He is constantly giving her kisses and asking "Mama, I hold Paisley?" It is really adorable. He has been more clingy lately so I know he is feeling the change but he hasn't acted out toward her in any way. Some of the better Adlai quotes: "Mama, that Paisley's penis?" (Pointing to her umbilical cord stump) and "Awww, good boy Paisley. You such a good boy." Lolol! I had to explain that she's a girl, and no she does not have a penis, lol!

My big boy also got a haircut "like Daddy" today. Even though it isn't really like Daddy's at all, since Daddy shaved his head and I was NOT going to allow that for Adlai, he got a cute new do. It was getting super long - too long - so it was time for a summer cut. He looks smashing and his long luscious eyelashes are quite the main attraction now. He's already got a girlfriend in preschool named Sophia. I don't blame her, for letting him give her hugs and kisses, he's quite a dashing little stallion.

As for my big girl, Zyan started camp and she's doing gymnastics 3 times a week and wants to go more. She's helping me like crazy, and I'm just waiting for the day when she says she's over it. I hope that day never comes, because she is so sweet and loving and I honestly don't know what I would ever do without her. Love that girl!!!

Father's Day was last Sunday and we went to Seal Beach and had a great time. It was Paisley's first beach trip and she wore her bonnet that her Auntie Tristy gave her. I nearly died when I put it on her it was so damn cute. I didn't get great pics but here are a few of the last month that are my favorites:

Nursing on day 8
Our first family outing with Paisley - a walk down the street to our friend's house!

And my favorite, Adlai holds Paisley on the day she was born..... notice how he strokes her hands and arm.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Sweet Child O' Mine....

We Welcome Our Newest Little Sweet Princess~
Paisley Fae Ha
8 lbs. 13 oz (Oh My!)
22 inches
May 22, 2010 8:08am

The Birth Story......
On Friday night I had been feeling like I was really close to labor – lots of Braxton Hicks and just overall discomfort and a very low, heavy belly. I went to sleep and woke up at 5:58am on Saturday morning with cramping. It felt like I had to go to the bathroom so I wasn’t sure if that was it or if it was really contractions. I went to the bathroom and laid back down but the cramping continued. I woke up Kim and we snuggled in bed for a few minutes, and then he got up to set up the birthing tub. By 6:25 I’d had 3 good contractions that were painful. I called one of my midwives, Shelley, but she was at another birth. I called the other midwife, Seannie at 6:30am and she said she would get ready and to call back immediately if things picked up.

Up until then the 3 contractions had been 10 minutes apart, but as soon as I hung up I had one 5 min later and then they jumped to 2 minutes apart. I went and woke up Zyan and told her we were going to have our baby today! She was so excited! I laid with her for a few minutes and she called my best friend Cassandra to come over. At that point they were starting to get really painful, and any time I stood up I had a really bad one. I called Seannie to tell her to hurry. By that time it was 7am and I was really having to breath through them. I laid in bed on my side while I waited for the tub to finish filling. By 7:30, I called Seannie again because I felt like I was beginning transition. She showed up moments later with Robin, the asst midwife ad they began setting up. They were rushing around and seemed pretty intense, so I just stayed in bed. I could feel the head coming down the birth canal and I knew I was almost fully dialated.

Cassandra arrived at some point and began taking pictures. Olina, our nanny, also arrived to pick up the dog. My plan was that she would take the dog and leave (he is very hyper) but somehow she ended up staying to help with the kids. It wasn’t what I wanted but I wasn’t in a state to care, and I think it worked out okay because Cassandra was able to focus on taking pics. I got into the tub around 7:45 I think. I was starting to feel small urges to push so they told me to go ahead and start pushing anytime.

My water hadn’t broken yet, so Seannie asked me if I wanted her to break it or leave it. I decided to have her break it. I think it was almost 8am by now, and I could reach down and feel the baby’s head. Seannie broke my water just with a little pinch of the sac and I immediately felt intense urges to push. I started pushing and as soon as the head was out, Seannie told me to try and only do small pushes so she could gently get the rest of the baby out. At one point I thought maybe she was stuck because Seannie seemed to be working really hard to get her out, but I kept doing small pushes because I felt like I might tear if I pushed any harder. Seannie told me later the baby wasn’t stuck but she wanted to stretch my perineum so I wouldn’t tear. After a few more small pushes I felt the baby completely come out and I lifted baby into my arms at 8:08 am.

I still didn’t know boy or girl, but I wasn’t even thinking about that, I just held baby tight. Kim kept saying “What is it, what is it?” so finally I looked and I was TOTALLY expecting to see a penis. I was SO shocked when I saw little girl parts!! I think I said “OH MY GOD IT’S A GIRL!!!” And Kim said “Hi Paisley! Hi little Paisley!” It was truly the best surprise of my life. I was soooo happy to be able to give Zyan the sister she’s always wanted. And I know Adlai will be an amazing big brother to his little sister.

Zyan and Adlai had been in the living room all this time ( I really wanted Zyan there for the birth but she left the room) so I asked Cassandra to go get them. At first she couldn’t find them- the nanny had taken them outside – so Kim called her and they came in. I was REALLY disappointed when Cassandra couldn’t find them. I really wanted them there. But they showed up within minutes and Zyan and Adlai got to meet their new sister! Zyan was ecstatic. Adlai was adorable saying “Hi Paisley, hi!” Zyan told me later that she was really glad the nanny was there and that hearing me in pain was making her nervous, so I’m glad it worked out for her that way. I was still really disappointed because I didn’t ask the nanny to stay and it wasn’t part of my plan, but I accept that it happened that way for a reason.

After a few minutes I moved to the bed and began to nurse Paisley. It was such a whirlwind but such a beautiful, amazing experience. It was worth every minute of waiting to see her beautiful face, and the home birth was the best experience I could’ve asked for. I actually wish it lasted a little longer because it was so joyous. I can’t believe I have been blessed with a beautiful baby once again.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Confessions (Ramblings) of an Overdue Pregnant Woman

Ok, so according to my doctor, I'm overdue. According to my personal calendar (wink, wink) I'm due tomorrow. But of course no one cares what my personal calendar says or the fact that I *KNOW* when I got pregnant. So I'm "overdue." Alright, I'll take it. Because in reality, there is no good excuse for what I'm about to write, so I'll just use the excuse that I'm overdue and totally off my rocker....

Today on the way to my midwife appt that I was already late for, I missed the exit and kept driving for miles all the way into L.A. before I realized it.

Then I had a doc appt for the dumb NST, and afterward I couldn't find my keys. Looked ALL over the office only to go down to the car and find them in the front seat of my unlocked car.

Then I grabbed some food and as I was walking to my car I looked down to see it had leaked ALL over my dress. HUGE pregnant lady in a dress with sauce all over it in a very public place. I went home and changed the dress.

Then I was entering a parking garage and talking to Zyan and when the car in front of me went thru the little stall thingy, I just drove straight forward (forgot to pull a ticket) and the stall almost came down on my car! I had to slam on the breaks (huge screech- all eyes on me) and reverse to pull a ticket.

Then we picked up Adlai and as I put him in the car I stepped into a nasty gutter puddle which soaked the bottom of my second dress. I had to roll my dress up to my crotch and drive home that way so it wouldn't get all over my legs and the seats.

Then Kim was super grumpy at dinner because Adlai was pulling one of his major crying sessions where he cries for no reason and you can't do anything to console him, and then I started crying because everyone is so damn grumpy and sick and tired and I just want to have a nice, peaceful, happy, excited, last few days before we welcome this new baby!

In Kim's defense I really feel for him because I know he is feeling super guilty that he is so sick and completely exhausted - the pneumonia really sucks the life out of you and I read it could be up to a MONTH before the fatigue is gone! So he was trying to do all of these things to help like make dinner and take care of the kids and wash the dishes and Adlai was just screaming the whole time. I kept telling Kim to lay down and he wouldn't, just a stressful night. And my hormones are just ridiculous. ....

Luckily, tomorrow is a new day. We are going out to breakfast, and then later on my bff is going to come over and help me do last minute things around the house. I think tomorrow will be a nice day and then maybe I'll have the baby tomorrow night or over the weekend.....I wrote Kim a nice little love letter too :)

Monday, May 17, 2010

Due Day

So my ticker says "0 days" left today!!! EEEEEK! It's my due date! But it's almost over, lol! AND...... no baby. But that's ok, because as I may have mentioned before, I LIKE being pregnant. **A LOT** Especially these last days, the waiting ones. The suspense is so exciting, and I'm glad this babe is giving me the gift I longed for last time around ~ more time. I felt so taken off guard when Adlai came early, but I loved it. This time I'm taken off guard that the baby is "late" but I love that too.
Unfortunately, Kim has come down with a mild case of pneumonia. I feel terrible for him and I know he wants to be in good health when the baby comes, so I think (and hope!) this little one will just sit back and relax for a few days until Daddy is ready to do some baby catching....

Here are a couple of pics Zyan took of me tonight. I think the belly dropped!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Not Just Anotha' Motha'

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh"

Another Mother's Day in the books.... only this one's different. It's the last one I'll have being a mother of two. Well, technically LAST year was the last one as a mother of two, because I'm already a mother of three, but I didn't know it so I'll count it as this one, reworded: last Mother's Day with 2 children outside the womb. I can't believe it! It's so exciting, knowing that my family is growing, into a little "crew" as my friend calls it. I can't wait to see this little baby. I can't wait to see if it looks like Zy, or Adlai, or neither, or both. I can't wait for this baby to see all of the love waiting here outside, his or her big brother and sister just waiting patiently to hold and cuddle. I can't wait to fill the picture frames that are waiting to be filled by this mysterious new member of our family.... Anticipation.

I always say I love the waiting part, and I do. I am grateful because even if I had the baby tonight, or tomorrow, I would still feel like I got some of that waiting time. It has been setting in the last few days. I feel pretty ready, and each day even more. Yesterday Kim put the car seat in. Today I put on my new bedspread. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get new curtains for Zyan's room - one of the very last decorating projects to be done. The house is mostly clean, and 15 minutes to company ready. The baby clothes are sorted, washed and put away, and the gender specific clothes are ready to be brought out as soon as this sweet baby shows us who he or she is. The names are picked out ~ mostly. There's room for a little leeway in that area, lol.

These are the moments I always cherish ~ growing a beautiful baby inside my belly, awaiting it's arrival, relaxing and relishing in each moment before the big day. I am so thankful to be in this moment, as a mother, a wife, a friend. I feel inspired, and for that I am extremely grateful. It is something I always long for, and don't want to let go of.

Speaking of inspiration, here are some of my favorite photos of the last couple of months:

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I am a mama moose.

I am now a moose. Well, my belly feels like a moose anyway. This belly has suddenly become it's own entity, and it's ALIVE! It feels like this kid is trying to break out of jail.... so cute. I love it. Have I mentioned I love being pregnant? I miss it already and it's not even over yet.

But my widget says 19 days left, and that's IF I make it! IF! I am starting to get super excited and a little nervous. I still don't know where to put the birthing tub?! I can't decide if I want to birth in my room, the baby's room, or the living room. I originally thought the living room because it's the largest room in the house and there is music available and family pics... but the more I think of it, the more I want to be able to hide away if I want to, and that means my bedroom. It's just so small... I dunno. I guess I will decide when I go into labor and stop worrying about it now.

I am at the point where I'm not sure what to do with myself. LOL - there is still plenty I can do, but the major projects are done and so now it is just sort of occupying time. I love this waiting game. I can't wait to see what this little one looks like, and if it's a boy or a girl! But for now, I just love feeling it dancing around in there, safe and sound. I love you baby.

Monday, April 5, 2010

34 Weeks and Rambling

Ok, so I skipped March. Bummer. I kept thinking I wanted to get on here and blog at least once, but the days are fleeting. And that is the point of me blogging - to capture moments in those fleeting times- but I guess for March I failed. Oh well, moving on.

My widget says I have 42 days to go. Crazy. Wow. I am 34 weeks this week, and I just don't understand where the time has gone, but I am still loving every minute of it. In fact, even more than before. As of March 1, my doc put me on disability for the rest of my pregnancy. I am in H.E.A.V.E.N. I love love love love being home with my babies and I just want to do this forever. It is the most rewarding work in the world and it just feels so good to hug and hold them as much as I want. Sooooo, I have made it my mission to make this a reality. 

My plan is to go back to work in September, finish out the year, and quit my job beginning January 2011. I plan to do makeup, and maybe another side job to bring in money. In the meantime, I need to create and follow a strict budget, save away some money, build a makeup website, get business cards, and create a marketing program for myself. Those things I need to get started on yesterday, because once the baby is here I doubt I'll have a bunch of time.

In other news, we have made improvements to the house and I'm very happy about it. We painted the living room, got new curtains and rug, and over the weekend we painted Zyan's room and gutted it of junk...I am feeling more and more ready for this baby as the days go by that I get stuff done. These are things I have been wanting to do forever but with a full time job and a family I just didn't have the energy. My house feels good, and so does my mind.

Yesterday was Easter, and Adlai and Zyan had a blast. Adlai really got the hang of hunting for eggs and we had quite a few hunts as usual. I'll be uploading pictures soon.

Alright, off to the doctor to check this baby's growth. What a boring post but there's nothing profound coming out of me today, so what you see is what you get!

Friday, February 19, 2010

In My Mind

Ok, let's jump into my mind for a minute.....
I just added a pregnancy ticker and am absolutely SHOCKED that it says I have 87 days to go..... that will be here tomorrow!

It is 12:45 am and I'm not all that tired.

I am starting to wonder about things. Where will I put the birthing tub? Do I want music on? Where is the baby going to sleep? Isn't it time I buy something? Anything? How do I ask my friends to buy me cloth diapers instead of cheezy duck or frog outfits at my baby shower? When is my house going to be clean?

I am also mentally listing all of the many things I want to do, but somehow I'm not doing any of them. Paint the living room, paint the nursery. Paint the bathroom. Paint Zyan's room. Paint the kitchen. Build a dog run. Pick out some things for this baby. Write in my diary. Organize pictures. Nesting, anyone?

Alright, I really ought to get to bed. My midwives have decided to be evil and throw me a curve ball and ask me to cut down on my coffee. Actually they first asked me to refrain from coffee all together but I calmly and assertively told them that would NOT be happening. So we agreed on one cup instead of two, or half calf. BOO. So my single coffee in the morning might not cut it if I don't get to bed soon!

Good Night.

Friday, February 5, 2010


To be honest, I haven't felt up to blogging lately. Actually, I haven't felt like doing much at all except eating brownies with milk, drinking coffee, and watching Oprah. Am I in a funk? I don't think so. I think i'm just 6.5 months pregnant and I need a little break from the hustle and bustle. I'm starting to get that same feeling I always get as baby time gets closer, a longing to just stay home, close to my nest and my little chickadees. Nothing else seems as important. Ahhhh, but life must go on.

Anyway, as much as I don't feel motivated, I just can't let the last couple of weeks go by without etching them down somewhere besides my fragile little memory. Nope, they are too important, too valuable, too priceless, and too fleeting. After all, that's what this blog was intended for in the first place, to remember.

#1 - My baby turned 2. My sweet, handsome little devil turned 2, and it was perfect. He is so stinkin' cute and we had such a great time. We had a birthday party for him at the park, and just the right friends and family came. We ordered the ginormous pizza that we always get, always a novelty and great conversation piece. Also a damn good pizza. The weather was perfect, in the 60's, clear and cool with a bit of sun. The theme was Sesame Street, with Elmo as the key player. Funny how much I hate when kids are addicted to characters and such, but here's my boy having his Elmo party. I can't deny the poor child just because I'm such a weirdo. The kids played, the parents talked and laughed, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Toward the end of the party Adlai's godbrothers showed up and were throwing the football around with Kim. I looked over and Adlai was running back and forth between all the big boys, trying to catch the football. Priceless.

#2- My now big boy went to pre-school. I remember Zyan's first day of pre-school like it was  yesterday. I remember it was her birthday, and she was turning 2. I remember taking a picture of her out in front of the school.....and I remember he cheezy little smile. And now, I remember it all over again, only this time it was my boy, cheezy smile and all. Same school, same time, same pictures. He had just turned 2 as well, funny how that works out. Zyan insisted on coming with him to his first day, so I picked her up from school in the middle of the day and she came. That girl is amazing. She brought him into his classroom where they were dancing, and she danced with him until he felt comfortable while Kim and I watched and took pictures. We stayed for about 20 minutes, and then we said goodbye. "Bye Mama, bye Daddy, Bye Zy Zy" and big kisses for all of us, not a tear. When I put his stuff in his cubby I was overcome with emotion as I remembered doing the same for Zyan, and here I am again, one more baby growing up and another one growing in the belly.

#3- Both my littles got haircuts, and Zyan looks hardly like a little anymore. In fact, I need to just own it, she looks grown up. Damnit. But I have so much respect for that little girl, she donated all of her long gorgeous hair to Locks of Love, for the second time now. Love. And Adlai, well, Adlai just looks like a Tyger now.

#4- Zyan got a phone call from a boy. Sighhhhhhhhhhh. I don't even know where to begin on this one. "Hi, this is Sebastian, may I please speak to Zyan?"                  
WHAT?!?!? Um, no you crazy fool you may NOT speak to Zyan!!!! Oh, wait, that wouldn't be good. "Oh, sure, hold on. Zyan, it's for you. It's Sebastian."  She looks at me in complete shock, embarrasment, and satisfaction.
"Hello? Hi. Your welcome. Bye." All in a very non-excited, monotone, almost annoyed voice.

The next night.....
Phone rings. Kim answers. "Hi, this is Sebastian, may I please speak to Zyan?" About 1 minute later, Zyan comes into my room and says, "Mom, Sebastian called and said thanks for the brownie and he wants to know if we can have a playdate sometime."
"Umm, ok." (Totally in shock.) Then, she uncomfortably shoves the phone at me, which is STILL ON, and so I say hello, and his mom proceeds to get on the phone and tell me Sebastian just did the same thing to her and she didn't even know he had called Zyan!
WTH?!?!? This boy actually sorted through the school roster and found Zyan's phone number and called and said thanks for the brownie AND asked for a playdate all on his own? Sheesh, the kid's got balls! So I planned a group outing with the mom and I and all of our kids (This is NOT a date people!) to go to the park or something sometime soon. When I hung up I asked Zyan if she even wanted a playdate with Sebastian and she said "Not really." Why? "Well, cuz he's a boy and, I dunno." PHEWWWWW. Largest sigh of relief. I am SO not ready for this, and apparently, neither is she!

BTW, to explain the brownie, they are doing a secret valentine exchange in class where they draw a name out of a hat and give that person 4 secret gifts until V-day. Of course Zyan picked a boy, and it was Sebastian, and one of the other kids told him that she got him. So she gave him a bouncy ball the first day (the first phone call to say thank you) and a brownie we had made the next day. Ah well, as my best friend pointed out, at least Sebastian has manners. And I might sneak in that he's pretty darn cute, but don't tell anyone I said that.

The before and after hair pics.....

My belly at 23 weeks, 3 days 1.25.2010
My belly at 24 weeks, 1 day 1.30.2010

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Complaining is Overrated

Today my husband did some annoying things:
Today I caught my husband cutting flowers with our steak knife.
Today I found nail clippers in the silverware drawer, and I didn't put them there.
Today my husband left food on the stove.
Today my husband got the wrong orange juice, again.

Today I fell in love with my husband once again, as I often do, because:
Today my husband brought me flowers, cut them, and put them in a vase for me.
Today my husband did the dishes, and put them away. (The nail clippers were in the sink.)
Today my husband went grocery shopping, called me when he was driving home, heard there was more I needed, and drove back to the store and did more.
Today my husband made dinner.
Today my husband got up with the kids so I could sleep in on my last day of vacation, which is his last day of vacation too.
Today my husband took both kids to the park, bought Zyan an ice cream, brought them home, made them lunch, and put Adlai down for his nap so I could go have lunch with a friend.
Today my husband called me from the store to tell me he loved me. When I asked him why, he said "because you have another one of our babies growing in your belly."
Today my husband gave Adlai a shower and washed his hair. Later, when Adlai rubbed hair gel all over his neck, my husband gave him a bath.
Today I heard my husband giggling with our son for 30 minutes while he gave him a bath.
Today my husband did all of these things with tendonitis in both feet and active Rheumatoid Arthritis that is causing him lots of pain.
Today I am so thankful for my husband, and I can't complain about a single thing.