Mama...... is a pushover.

For the first time in what feels like an eternity, I got to snuggle alone with my boy tonight before bed. Kim has taken on the bedtime duties since Paisley's arrival, and I've been missing those sweet nightime snuggles.

We sat in the dark on the couch in his room, him on my lap with his arms around me, and I realized it was one of those moments I'll never forget. No apparent reason, just silence and the snuggles. Finally, he said "Mama, you sing me songs."

"You want me to sing me your nightime songs?"
"Yes, Mama."
"Ok, I'll sing you your nighttime songs, and then it's time for you to go to sleep in your bed, ok?"
"Ok, Mama."
So together we sang ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Away in the Manger like we do every night. As soon as we were done:

"Mama, I hungry."
"We already ate dinner, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want water."
"No need for water now, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want Daddy."
"We already said goodnight to Daddy, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want Zyan."
"Time for bed."
"Mama, I want socks."
??? He has a point there, he didn't have socks on. But I was on to his game.
"It's time for bed Adlai, time for sleep."
"Mama, I want to go to the beach."

As hard as it was, I refrained from laughing hysterically and congratulating him on his hard work, creativity, and refusal to give up. Then I carried him to his bed and said goodnight one last time.

And somehow, that determined little 2 year old is on the couch with Kim and Zyan watching a movie and eating popcorn at this very moment.

Out of This World

When I was a kid (wayyyy back in the 80's, lol) one of my favorite shows was called "Out of This World. It was about a girl named Evie who was half alien, and she could stop time by putting her two index fingers together. She would still be awake, and everyone else would be frozen. I don't remember much else about the show, but for the rest of my life I have always wished for that superpower. When I was a teenager and a young adult, the main reason I wanted that power was so that I could sleep longer before school or work.

Ironically, now that I am a mom of 3, it's not the sleep that I want. I just want to sit and stare at my beautiful babies, and watch them sleep. I want to snuggle them up and kiss and hug them and I want the whole world to stop so I can do it for as long as I want without anyone or anything beckoning. And I selfishly want to prolong the inevitable, even just for a few extra moments..... I want to stop that crazy fast growing that they do while you blink!!!

So Princess Paisley is a whole month old. A whole month! First she was 4 weeks, and I sort of scooted through that day putting off the "one month" label. But yesterday she was officially one month old - June 22. Sigh. I spent the day with her, snuggling in the morning and then running around like busy bees in the afternoon. Pick up Adlai from school, grab a bite to eat, dentist for a cleaning for me, pick up Zyan from her first day at camp, clean up a bit. Sigh again. Sad that I couldn't just stop everything and smell my sweet baby all day. As a happy ending to the day we all took a family walk up to Rite Aid and bought some Kettle Corn, and Kim, Zy and I watched the new Alice in Wonderland after Adlai and Paisley went to sleep. It was a nice end to the day.

Today we had Paisley's one month appt at the doc. She's 10 pounds on the dot! She hasn't grown lengthwise (still 22 in.) but her cute little head grew by 3 inches and she's gained almost 2 pounds! She was 8lb, 13oz when she was born but then went down to 8lb 3oz by day three, so she's almost gained 2 pounds since then. My little chunker. She definitely looks bigger to me and she's started smiling! Sooo cute. Just like her brother, her first real spontaneous smile was on her 4 week birthday. Love.

Speaking of her brother, Adlai is just hilarious and soooo sweet and loving with Paisley. He's said some pretty adorable things - he's absolutely in love with her. He is constantly giving her kisses and asking "Mama, I hold Paisley?" It is really adorable. He has been more clingy lately so I know he is feeling the change but he hasn't acted out toward her in any way. Some of the better Adlai quotes: "Mama, that Paisley's penis?" (Pointing to her umbilical cord stump) and "Awww, good boy Paisley. You such a good boy." Lolol! I had to explain that she's a girl, and no she does not have a penis, lol!

My big boy also got a haircut "like Daddy" today. Even though it isn't really like Daddy's at all, since Daddy shaved his head and I was NOT going to allow that for Adlai, he got a cute new do. It was getting super long - too long - so it was time for a summer cut. He looks smashing and his long luscious eyelashes are quite the main attraction now. He's already got a girlfriend in preschool named Sophia. I don't blame her, for letting him give her hugs and kisses, he's quite a dashing little stallion.

As for my big girl, Zyan started camp and she's doing gymnastics 3 times a week and wants to go more. She's helping me like crazy, and I'm just waiting for the day when she says she's over it. I hope that day never comes, because she is so sweet and loving and I honestly don't know what I would ever do without her. Love that girl!!!

Father's Day was last Sunday and we went to Seal Beach and had a great time. It was Paisley's first beach trip and she wore her bonnet that her Auntie Tristy gave her. I nearly died when I put it on her it was so damn cute. I didn't get great pics but here are a few of the last month that are my favorites:

Nursing on day 8

Our first family outing with Paisley - a walk down the street to our friend's house!

And my favorite, Adlai holds Paisley on the day she was born..... notice how he strokes her hands and arm.

Sweet Child O' Mine....

We Welcome Our Newest Little Sweet Princess~
Paisley Fae Ha
8 lbs. 13 oz (Oh My!)
22 inches
May 22, 2010 8:08am

The Birth Story......
On Friday night I had been feeling like I was really close to labor – lots of Braxton Hicks and just overall discomfort and a very low, heavy belly. I went to sleep and woke up at 5:58am on Saturday morning with cramping. It felt like I had to go to the bathroom so I wasn’t sure if that was it or if it was really contractions. I went to the bathroom and laid back down but the cramping continued. I woke up Kim and we snuggled in bed for a few minutes, and then he got up to set up the birthing tub. By 6:25 I’d had 3 good contractions that were painful. I called one of my midwives, Shelley, but she was at another birth. I called the other midwife, Seannie at 6:30am and she said she would get ready and to call back immediately if things picked up.


Up until then the 3 contractions had been 10 minutes apart, but as soon as I hung up I had one 5 min later and then they jumped to 2 minutes apart. I went and woke up Zyan and told her we were going to have our baby today! She was so excited! I laid with her for a few minutes and she called my best friend Cassandra to come over. At that point they were starting to get really painful, and any time I stood up I had a really bad one. I called Seannie to tell her to hurry. By that time it was 7am and I was really having to breath through them. I laid in bed on my side while I waited for the tub to finish filling. By 7:30, I called Seannie again because I felt like I was beginning transition. She showed up moments later with Robin, the asst midwife ad they began setting up. They were rushing around and seemed pretty intense, so I just stayed in bed. I could feel the head coming down the birth canal and I knew I was almost fully dialated.

Cassandra arrived at some point and began taking pictures. Olina, our nanny, also arrived to pick up the dog. My plan was that she would take the dog and leave (he is very hyper) but somehow she ended up staying to help with the kids. It wasn’t what I wanted but I wasn’t in a state to care, and I think it worked out okay because Cassandra was able to focus on taking pics. I got into the tub around 7:45 I think. I was starting to feel small urges to push so they told me to go ahead and start pushing anytime.

My water hadn’t broken yet, so Seannie asked me if I wanted her to break it or leave it. I decided to have her break it. I think it was almost 8am by now, and I could reach down and feel the baby’s head. Seannie broke my water just with a little pinch of the sac and I immediately felt intense urges to push. I started pushing and as soon as the head was out, Seannie told me to try and only do small pushes so she could gently get the rest of the baby out. At one point I thought maybe she was stuck because Seannie seemed to be working really hard to get her out, but I kept doing small pushes because I felt like I might tear if I pushed any harder. Seannie told me later the baby wasn’t stuck but she wanted to stretch my perineum so I wouldn’t tear. After a few more small pushes I felt the baby completely come out and I lifted baby into my arms at 8:08 am.

I still didn’t know boy or girl, but I wasn’t even thinking about that, I just held baby tight. Kim kept saying “What is it, what is it?” so finally I looked and I was TOTALLY expecting to see a penis. I was SO shocked when I saw little girl parts!! I think I said “OH MY GOD IT’S A GIRL!!!” And Kim said “Hi Paisley! Hi little Paisley!” It was truly the best surprise of my life. I was soooo happy to be able to give Zyan the sister she’s always wanted. And I know Adlai will be an amazing big brother to his little sister.

Zyan and Adlai had been in the living room all this time ( I really wanted Zyan there for the birth but she left the room) so I asked Cassandra to go get them. At first she couldn’t find them- the nanny had taken them outside – so Kim called her and they came in. I was REALLY disappointed when Cassandra couldn’t find them. I really wanted them there. But they showed up within minutes and Zyan and Adlai got to meet their new sister! Zyan was ecstatic. Adlai was adorable saying “Hi Paisley, hi!” Zyan told me later that she was really glad the nanny was there and that hearing me in pain was making her nervous, so I’m glad it worked out for her that way. I was still really disappointed because I didn’t ask the nanny to stay and it wasn’t part of my plan, but I accept that it happened that way for a reason.

After a few minutes I moved to the bed and began to nurse Paisley. It was such a whirlwind but such a beautiful, amazing experience. It was worth every minute of waiting to see her beautiful face, and the home birth was the best experience I could’ve asked for. I actually wish it lasted a little longer because it was so joyous. I can’t believe I have been blessed with a beautiful baby once again.