Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Mommy Success.

I feel a mommy fail has occurred. I honestly thought it had maybe been a couple of months since my last blog post... maybe 3 at most. Instead, I just counted on my fingers, "ok, October - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7......what WHAT?!?!?" IT'S BEEN SEVEN MONTHS since I blogged?!? And even that last one was a one liner, so really eight months since my last real post. ARGH!! Is this what happens when you have 3 kids? You lose all sense of time, feel like you have alzheimer's, and then feel horribly guilty about silly things? Oh wait, I think that actually happened after my first child. There's the alzheimers again. Apparently it gets worse with each child and some nice mother dubbed it "mommy brain" just to make us all feel better, but let's face it, it's alzheimers.

So, why is it a mommy fail that I haven't blogged? Well, because I haven't been any better at writing in my journal, and that means I haven't recorded the good stuff for most of the first year of Paisley's life, which is a pretty important year. Guilty. The truth is, I've had a pretty hard time catching my breath since I went back to work, and I just don't have the energy. I hate it that I don't, but I really just don't.

Ok, enough looking back at what I should've done, here's what we've been up to:
Paisley is turning ONE!! I really can't believe it, this Sunday she'll be a year old! She is so cute and funny and sweet and her little personality is blooming lately. She reminds me SO much of Adlai. She has his crazy funny personality and the slightly (hah!) stubborn side too. She has Zyan's big eyes and very widely spaced two front teeth, although her eyes are a beautiful shade of brown that turn slightly green in the light. She is very advanced like Zyan always was - she started walking at 10 months and hasn't stopped since! But she is slightly mischeivous like her brother, and likes to tease and play. She LOVES her big brother and sister so much, and watching them all together is a blessing that I couldn't have imagined. Zyan is like a second mommy to her and Adlai is almost like her twin - they get along perfectly and Adlai always protects her. We are having a big party for her this Sunday for her birthday, and it is a Paisley theme. I got some really pretty paisley patterned fabric for accents and she is going to have a cake to match and of course herself! I will definitely post pictures afterward...

Adlai turned 3 and is as cute as can be these days. He says THE most hilarious things. I wish some of them would come to mind but the alzheimers is really hitting me hard these days. Some of his more memorable events in the last couple of months have included drinking river water from a shoe while we were camping, attempting to see what would happen with scissors near his penis (thankfully Kim caught him before he actually got to see what would happen,) and playing in the bathroom with water only for me to come in and find him sucking on the sponge I used to clean the tub with. EW ew ew!! That one topped the gross charts for me. Oh, and apparently last night he hid Kim's keyes in the "trunk" of a toy car he has. This morning after searching frantically for an hour, Kim woke up Adlai and asked where his keys were. "In my underwear," Adlai responded. (This was because last night before he hid them, he actually did walk around with them in his underwear for awhile.) Finally after several times asking where they were, Kim told Adlai if he found them he could watch cartoons. Within one minute I hear "DADDYYYYY!!! I FOUND YOUR KEYS!!!! I FOUND THEM!! LOOK!!! I GET TO WATCH CARTOONS!" And sure enough he did. Bribery works, people!

Miss Zyan just turned 10, and she is such a sweetheart. She is just as helpful as she could possibly be, and so sweet and kind. I do feel guilty (ugh, there it is again!) that I often seem so busy and preoccupied that I don't feel like I get enough real one on one quality time with her. I feel lucky that she gets in the car and recaps the days events, but I think I have to earn that kind of trust with her and I definitely need more time alone with her. Plus, the brunt of being the oldest is that you give up your quality mama and papa time for the next littles down, and sometimes I just feel for her because I remember what that was like. She never complains though. These days she is back into heavy gymnastics, training for level 4 competitions this fall. She goes 4 days a week for 2.5 hours each time. She works really hard and I am very proud of her for setting goals for herself and working hard toward them. Gymnastics is such a long term sport - there is really not much instant gratification if any - and the physical exertion could be exhuasting to some, but again she never complains. She is right in the middle of the pre-adolescent drama that starts around 4th grade, the mine is better than yours, the making fun of others, even name calling, but thankfully she hasn't had to bear too much personally. She has had a few times where she comes home sobbing because a friend was mean or hurt her feelings, and even went through a short period where she said she was feeling very alone. My heart broke for her, but I was so proud that she was even able to articulate those feelings. Thankfully, that stage seemed to last only a week tops.
I love that girl.

As for me and Kim, we are constantly striving for me to be a stay at home mom. I guess we'll just keep on striving until we reach the goal, eh? Not much other choice, really. Kim wants so badly for me to be home, and he is so talented, so I have faith that it WILL happen. I love that man.

Ahhhhh. Success.


paige said...

y'know when i go back & look at my bloggy beginnings (2006??!!) my blogs were sparse & poorly put together. i feel like it took me *years* to find my voice... never mind the fact that i hardly have *any* of the little's babyhood's recorded...
You are a wicked awesome mama, hillary - & your littles will (as it says in that 'perfect woman' proverb) "rise up and call you blessed".
i love your update - & i'm glad you posted.

Tristy said...

I could never be as eloquent as Paige....but I I love you, Hillary and you ARE a wicked awesome mama! I know that you will find a way to get where you are going and then you will be able to *breathe* a little easier....your littles are sooo lucky and so am i...to call you my friend. (((HUGS))). I am happy for the update!