One Proud Mama

I am one proud mama. My children amaze me each and every day, and I couldn't be more proud of who each of them are.

Today, Zyan won FIRST PLACE at the State Championships for gymnastics Level 6, making her the Bars State Champion! I am so proud of her for so many reasons. Beforehand, I wrote her a card telling her how happy I am for her, and it brought tears to my eyes just thinking about how special she is. I am proud of her not because of her ranking, but because I have seen how hard she works for her passion and how much blood, sweat, and tears it has taken her to reach these goals that seemed so far away only months ago. There are very few 11 year olds that go to school for 8 hours a day, then go to a gym and work out for another 5 hrs, then come home and begin their homework at 9pm and still manage to be at the top of their class. I don't know HOW she does it, but somehow my little firstborn kicks ass in everything she puts her mind to, and manages to teach me a few things each and every day. For that, I am one proud mama.

Today We Bought A House

So the day has finally come. We are officially homeowners as of 5pm this afternoon! I really can't believe this all happened so fast, and how we've dreamt of this for years and years and now it's happening.... I am so excited, scared, nervous, and hopeful. So a little about the house:

It's incredibly ugly on the outside, but has potential.
It's fairly large on the inside, and will suit our family well.
It's on the same street as Zyan's school, which will be fun.
I never imagined that we would buy a house with Taco Bell style stucco on the outside or a black wrought iron fence. But here we are. Time cures everything, right?

We had a lovely celebratory dinner with Dave and Clarissa tonight and tomorrow it's time to get to work and start fixing the place up! I will really miss this cute little bungalow we have grown and raised our little family in. When we moved here, Zyan was only 4 years old, and 6 years later we have two more kids, and little Paisley was born in the bedroom!

Time to move on, though.

Adlai, Paisley, and I were all in my bed. It was pitch black, and I could only see their silhouettes. Paisley kept giving Adlai kisses. "Mmmmm." She would hum as she leaned over to give him yet another kiss. He would fling his arms around her and kiss her back each time. Finally he said in his sweet, husky little voice, "Ohhhh, I love you too, Paisley!" And then he flung his arms around her one more time.

Suddenly, the lights are abruptly turned on and a giant man walks into the room. With each step he takes there is a pounding on the floor, and the bed shakes a little. The closet door opens, and there is a loud ruckus as the man throws on a sweatshirt. The closet door slams shut, and I hear, "Daddy? "

"Yes?" Says the man.

"You look beautiful."

"What?" Says the man.

"I SAID, you look beautiful. You're all black and dark blue."

"I look beautiful? Why thank you very much, Adlai."

I smothered my head in the pillow as I laughed. I agree, that man is beautiful.

Tiny Bits

I just got back from Mommicon in Seattle. (Well, Auburn, WA to be exact.) Had an AWESOME time. Can't wait for next year!!

Adlai: "Daddy, I miss Mommy. She's SOOO cute."

Zyan washed all the dishes tonight, and no one asked her to do it. LOVE HER!!

Paisley is starting to talk. She says "up, all done, please, Mommy, Daddy, Zyan, Adlai, Olina, milky, kitty, dog, and apple." Except they all sound like "Ahhaaah." Or some variation of that. She has started climbing everything in sight, and she turned 15 months yesterday. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Kim shaved his head. Praise God. The long hair was beginning to have an impact. Let's just leave it at that.

Evolution

So, Princess Paisley did the inevitable. She turned one. She got her first haircut. She had her first cake. She wore pearls. A girl's got to do things right, after all!

As I watch my kids grow the true meaning of their milestones has begun to hit me harder and harder. I am *so* proud of them, and I really love and enjoy each new phase. But there is a realization that as they grow, they change, and once they grow *up* into the next phase, the old one is lost forever. Sounds so depressing, doesn't it? I don't mean it that way, but truly that's what I've realized in the last few years. All you really have is your memories, so better make them last and make them good.

Luckily, I have figured out a few ways to do just that. Since I'm working and juggling plates (aren't we all?) I've learned that instead of being mad that I can't find the time to journal every single day, or even blog once a week, let alone take pictures frequently enough, that if I at least record the important stuff - the milestones - I've accomplished something. So, over the years I've discovered that I like to throw decent birthday parties. I find the planning and themes fun, and it makes me feel really present and part of the milestone. I never feel like I blinked my eye and it was gone when I spend that much time planning. The parties themselves are always really fun too - a great way to catch up with old friends. This is the same reason I do baby showers for every child. While some consider it taboo, I think it's the first real milestone, and every child deserves to look back and see who was celebrating their arrival!

This year for Paisley's first birthday I went all out, more than ever before. Something came over me, and several times I shed a few tears at the idea that this could possibly be my last daughter and she's already leaving babyhood. Kim and I had so much fun coming up with all of the decorations and planning everything, and even had to change the location at the last minute! (SO glad we did!) It all turned out just perfect, and we really enjoyed ourselves. Most importantly, Paisley had a blast! Here are the pics... (Double click on the cakes - they turned out A-MAZING!)

Mommy Success.

I feel a mommy fail has occurred. I honestly thought it had maybe been a couple of months since my last blog post... maybe 3 at most. Instead, I just counted on my fingers, "ok, October - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7......what WHAT?!?!?" IT'S BEEN SEVEN MONTHS since I blogged?!? And even that last one was a one liner, so really eight months since my last real post. ARGH!! Is this what happens when you have 3 kids? You lose all sense of time, feel like you have alzheimer's, and then feel horribly guilty about silly things? Oh wait, I think that actually happened after my first child. There's the alzheimers again. Apparently it gets worse with each child and some nice mother dubbed it "mommy brain" just to make us all feel better, but let's face it, it's alzheimers.

So, why is it a mommy fail that I haven't blogged? Well, because I haven't been any better at writing in my journal, and that means I haven't recorded the good stuff for most of the first year of Paisley's life, which is a pretty important year. Guilty. The truth is, I've had a pretty hard time catching my breath since I went back to work, and I just don't have the energy. I hate it that I don't, but I really just don't.

Ok, enough looking back at what I should've done, here's what we've been up to:
Paisley is turning ONE!! I really can't believe it, this Sunday she'll be a year old! She is so cute and funny and sweet and her little personality is blooming lately. She reminds me SO much of Adlai. She has his crazy funny personality and the slightly (hah!) stubborn side too. She has Zyan's big eyes and very widely spaced two front teeth, although her eyes are a beautiful shade of brown that turn slightly green in the light. She is very advanced like Zyan always was - she started walking at 10 months and hasn't stopped since! But she is slightly mischeivous like her brother, and likes to tease and play. She LOVES her big brother and sister so much, and watching them all together is a blessing that I couldn't have imagined. Zyan is like a second mommy to her and Adlai is almost like her twin - they get along perfectly and Adlai always protects her. We are having a big party for her this Sunday for her birthday, and it is a Paisley theme. I got some really pretty paisley patterned fabric for accents and she is going to have a cake to match and of course herself! I will definitely post pictures afterward...

Adlai turned 3 and is as cute as can be these days. He says THE most hilarious things. I wish some of them would come to mind but the alzheimers is really hitting me hard these days. Some of his more memorable events in the last couple of months have included drinking river water from a shoe while we were camping, attempting to see what would happen with scissors near his penis (thankfully Kim caught him before he actually got to see what would happen,) and playing in the bathroom with water only for me to come in and find him sucking on the sponge I used to clean the tub with. EW ew ew!! That one topped the gross charts for me. Oh, and apparently last night he hid Kim's keyes in the "trunk" of a toy car he has. This morning after searching frantically for an hour, Kim woke up Adlai and asked where his keys were. "In my underwear," Adlai responded. (This was because last night before he hid them, he actually did walk around with them in his underwear for awhile.) Finally after several times asking where they were, Kim told Adlai if he found them he could watch cartoons. Within one minute I hear "DADDYYYYY!!! I FOUND YOUR KEYS!!!! I FOUND THEM!! LOOK!!! I GET TO WATCH CARTOONS!" And sure enough he did. Bribery works, people!

Miss Zyan just turned 10, and she is such a sweetheart. She is just as helpful as she could possibly be, and so sweet and kind. I do feel guilty (ugh, there it is again!) that I often seem so busy and preoccupied that I don't feel like I get enough real one on one quality time with her. I feel lucky that she gets in the car and recaps the days events, but I think I have to earn that kind of trust with her and I definitely need more time alone with her. Plus, the brunt of being the oldest is that you give up your quality mama and papa time for the next littles down, and sometimes I just feel for her because I remember what that was like. She never complains though. These days she is back into heavy gymnastics, training for level 4 competitions this fall. She goes 4 days a week for 2.5 hours each time. She works really hard and I am very proud of her for setting goals for herself and working hard toward them. Gymnastics is such a long term sport - there is really not much instant gratification if any - and the physical exertion could be exhuasting to some, but again she never complains. She is right in the middle of the pre-adolescent drama that starts around 4th grade, the mine is better than yours, the making fun of others, even name calling, but thankfully she hasn't had to bear too much personally. She has had a few times where she comes home sobbing because a friend was mean or hurt her feelings, and even went through a short period where she said she was feeling very alone. My heart broke for her, but I was so proud that she was even able to articulate those feelings. Thankfully, that stage seemed to last only a week tops.
I love that girl.

As for me and Kim, we are constantly striving for me to be a stay at home mom. I guess we'll just keep on striving until we reach the goal, eh? Not much other choice, really. Kim wants so badly for me to be home, and he is so talented, so I have faith that it WILL happen. I love that man.

Ahhhhh. Success.

'Nuff Said!

I had a very long and involved and EXCITING dream last night. I dream that we got a dishwasher.....

'Nuff said.

Whew! What Just Happened?

I figured since September came and almost went, I better get on here. First order of business- saving lives. I just ordered my FREE kit from Be the Match - the online bone marrow donor registry. You can save lives by simply ordering the FREE kit, doing a couple of saliva swabs, and sending them off in hopes that you will be the match for someone in need. So I did it! Have you? Do it now, here! It's so easy and did I mention it's FREE? I sound like a commerical. But seriously, leukemia is curable and your bone marrow just may do the trick, so give it a shot will ya?! If you need a little nudge, read this post of mine.

Alright, next order of business - be thankful. Here's a list: I am thankful that....

Micah is going to be okay.
I just got 7 months off to spend with my family and 6 of them were paid.
I have an awesome husband and awesome kids.
I found my 13 year old cat tonight that has been missing for 10 days.
He's not dead. He's hurt, but not dead.
I'm still BFF's with my BFF from pre-school. Yup, 4 yrs old, first real friend, Francesca. Love that girl.
My face isn't as wrinkly as my hands.
My kids are healthy.
I'm not fat. Plump, but not fat.
I'm happy.

I've been having weird dreams lately. (Oh, we're done with the thankful thing. Moving on now.) I often lay in bed at night and come up with really amazing and sometimes even profound blog posts.... they never make it to the keyboard though because it's always just before I drift off. So annoying that I can't access that creative part of my brain when I'm really awake. Anyway, I went to sleep and dreamt up this AMAZING blog! Only to wake up and not be able to reproduce it at all. I do that with clothing designs too. In my dreams I'm a genius designer, and then I wake up and can't recall the important details. Oh well. At least I've got it in my dreams. Ha!

Tell It Like It Is

I'm not sure it gets much better than this. Really, I think I am experiencing bliss, and it feels so great. Life with a new baby is somewhat like being intoxicated, but without the bad ending. Time seems to just fly by in a blur, which is almost infuriating when I'm having so much fun. And probably equally as infuriating to my various friends and family members who don't get return phone calls, and when they do, I always have to preface with "I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, but..." and what I want to finish with is "I'm just so preoccupied with my family I can't bear to stop and return phone calls." And besides, if I did you'd have to know that on the other end of the line lies a breastfeeding baby, a squealing toddler that is pretending to fence with me and keeps hitting me with his sword while saying "On Guard!", all while a certain 9 year old is standing right next to the phone pretending like she's not eavesdropping but really hanging on every word.

Lately I find my days so full and colorful, and yet when they're over I feel sad that I couldn't record them. I lay in bed and words rush through that I wish I had the energy to put on paper, but I'm so exhuasted and I'm already in bed and it's late. Too late. Or I'll have a fantastic blog post running through my head - but the computer's off and so are all the lights in the house and I'm just not getting up. But I think I've been feeling especially grateful and sensitive lately because I know that this time is only mine for a minute, and that soon I will have to return to work and I'll have less of it. So while I'm here, there are a few things I ought to spit out:

Kim is the best husband in the world. I know he's in physical pain and he's got a lot on his shoulders, but every single morning he gets up and gets the kids ready and lets me sleep a little. Even weekends. When I think he should stay home and rest because he looks like he needs it, he straps on his shoes and goes anyway, because he wants to bring home the bacon. He loves us, and we love him.

Zyan is the most incredible 9 year old - she amazes me every day with the love she has for her little brother and sister, her desire to help and the way she effortlessly mothers her siblings, her incredible patience for it all, her humor, her strenth, and most importantly her self confidence and love. She is fully aware of the internal beauty she possesses as a unique and individual person, yet she has the same awareness of the beauty of those around her. In her words "Everyone is perfect."

Adlai has surpassed any expectation I could have had for him, in all areas. He is such a firecracker, and can bring me to tears with laughter in the things he says and does. I had no idea what having a boy would do to me, and it literally has changed my views on so many things - parenting being a big one! He teaches me more and more each day, and I am so grateful to have him as my son. Watching him with Paisley has been one of the most gratifying experiences I have had in life. He has such deep love and concern for her, it's almost as if he's known her his whole life. The sound of her cry will cause him to drop everything and run to her, to console her, kiss her, hug her, and tell her it's alright because he's there. And it is. She loves him just the same.

Paisley has changed me. Since the moment I found out she was growing inside me, she has brought me nothing but gifts and joy. She has reminded me of a belief that I have always thought to be true, but in the recent years had a hard time really living - the universe will take care of me no matter what, and good things are coming. Staring into her eyes will evoke the most beautiful baby smile, every single time. She loves to look deep into my eyes, and we'll just sit and do that while she nurses, sometimes smiling and giggling, and other times just looking into each other. Her energy is so positive and happy and calm - she spends her time either sleeping soundly, sitting quietly, or engaging those around her with smiles and giggles. When she needs something she politely lets me know with a little wail that is less than a cry. Such a sweetheart.

And me, well I'm loving every moment. Having this time off from work has brought me some well needed perspective. I am reminded that I am not stuck, that I can be (and have been) inspired and creative, and that there is a whole lot more to me than I even know. I have confirmation that being home with my kids really *is* what I want, and that I have a lot of talents that will allow me to do that when the time is right. I am also very thankful for the job I do have, and don't regret having it for a second. I have been very fortunate in the last 10 years, and I am thankful for that.

Funny, this post went down a totally different path than I originally intended. When I wrote it in my head, I was finally going to get a little "spicy" and say something maybe a little controversial for once. Instead I got all gushy, but just for kicks I'll say it anyway. I was going to write about the fact that since I have been home for the last 6 months with my kids, I can say with every cell in my body that there is NO WAY that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job in the world like everyone wants you to believe. Nope. Being a working mom is the hardest job in the world. Through my eyes, anyway. Being a working mom just means you have all the same duties as a SAHM but less time to do them, plus all the work duties! Not to metion the sadness and guilt you experience. Bleh. If it is really the hardest job in the world then why don't all the SAHM's run for the workplace? LOL.

For the record, I am talking about strictly SAHM's like what I've been doing for the last 6 months. Added jobs like homeschooling, working at home, running a farm, etc. are JOBS in my opinion and so are part of the working mom group. Funny that I even thought to write "running a farm" but I actually have a friend who does that and it's not your average SAHM gig, let me tell ya.

But seriously, if I had to pick between doing dishes, cleaning up pee puddles on the floor, walking out to my front porch to find my toddler naked with a hose and mud dripping down my front door and all over him while my baby barfs in my hair and my oldest yells at me from the shower to bring her a towel and the dinner burns on the stove as the guests pull into the driveway and the dog runs out to hug them - and leaving my kids to go to work every day???? Sorry, but work just isn't that interesting.

Sweet Love

Zyan and Adlai were wrestling on the floor. From the closet I could hear the grunting and the "GRRRR" and then the collapse and giggles. And then again "GRRRR, eh, eeeee, mmmmm,...... ha ha ha ha ha," and squeals of laughter. Once more, "GRRRR, eeekkkk, huuuuu" and then in a tiny whisper I hear Zyan: "I love you Adlai" and in his husky little whisper back "I love you too."

I wanna....

I wanna....
Be a stay at home mom
Get paid while doing it
Read lots of good books
Start by reading a book period
Get my house clean
Keep my house clean
Put my makeup on in the house instead of the car
Give to others
Teach my kids to give to others
Grow more, buy less
Write in my journal more
Blog more
Organize photos
Be inspired
Inspire others
Live in the moment
Plan for the future
Have more BBQ's
Share a bottle of wine with someone
Paint my toes



Win the lottery.

Mama...... is a pushover.

For the first time in what feels like an eternity, I got to snuggle alone with my boy tonight before bed. Kim has taken on the bedtime duties since Paisley's arrival, and I've been missing those sweet nightime snuggles.

We sat in the dark on the couch in his room, him on my lap with his arms around me, and I realized it was one of those moments I'll never forget. No apparent reason, just silence and the snuggles. Finally, he said "Mama, you sing me songs."

"You want me to sing me your nightime songs?"
"Yes, Mama."
"Ok, I'll sing you your nighttime songs, and then it's time for you to go to sleep in your bed, ok?"
"Ok, Mama."
So together we sang ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Away in the Manger like we do every night. As soon as we were done:

"Mama, I hungry."
"We already ate dinner, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want water."
"No need for water now, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want Daddy."
"We already said goodnight to Daddy, it's time for bed."
"Mama, I want Zyan."
"Time for bed."
"Mama, I want socks."
??? He has a point there, he didn't have socks on. But I was on to his game.
"It's time for bed Adlai, time for sleep."
"Mama, I want to go to the beach."

As hard as it was, I refrained from laughing hysterically and congratulating him on his hard work, creativity, and refusal to give up. Then I carried him to his bed and said goodnight one last time.

And somehow, that determined little 2 year old is on the couch with Kim and Zyan watching a movie and eating popcorn at this very moment.

Out of This World

When I was a kid (wayyyy back in the 80's, lol) one of my favorite shows was called "Out of This World. It was about a girl named Evie who was half alien, and she could stop time by putting her two index fingers together. She would still be awake, and everyone else would be frozen. I don't remember much else about the show, but for the rest of my life I have always wished for that superpower. When I was a teenager and a young adult, the main reason I wanted that power was so that I could sleep longer before school or work.

Ironically, now that I am a mom of 3, it's not the sleep that I want. I just want to sit and stare at my beautiful babies, and watch them sleep. I want to snuggle them up and kiss and hug them and I want the whole world to stop so I can do it for as long as I want without anyone or anything beckoning. And I selfishly want to prolong the inevitable, even just for a few extra moments..... I want to stop that crazy fast growing that they do while you blink!!!

So Princess Paisley is a whole month old. A whole month! First she was 4 weeks, and I sort of scooted through that day putting off the "one month" label. But yesterday she was officially one month old - June 22. Sigh. I spent the day with her, snuggling in the morning and then running around like busy bees in the afternoon. Pick up Adlai from school, grab a bite to eat, dentist for a cleaning for me, pick up Zyan from her first day at camp, clean up a bit. Sigh again. Sad that I couldn't just stop everything and smell my sweet baby all day. As a happy ending to the day we all took a family walk up to Rite Aid and bought some Kettle Corn, and Kim, Zy and I watched the new Alice in Wonderland after Adlai and Paisley went to sleep. It was a nice end to the day.

Today we had Paisley's one month appt at the doc. She's 10 pounds on the dot! She hasn't grown lengthwise (still 22 in.) but her cute little head grew by 3 inches and she's gained almost 2 pounds! She was 8lb, 13oz when she was born but then went down to 8lb 3oz by day three, so she's almost gained 2 pounds since then. My little chunker. She definitely looks bigger to me and she's started smiling! Sooo cute. Just like her brother, her first real spontaneous smile was on her 4 week birthday. Love.

Speaking of her brother, Adlai is just hilarious and soooo sweet and loving with Paisley. He's said some pretty adorable things - he's absolutely in love with her. He is constantly giving her kisses and asking "Mama, I hold Paisley?" It is really adorable. He has been more clingy lately so I know he is feeling the change but he hasn't acted out toward her in any way. Some of the better Adlai quotes: "Mama, that Paisley's penis?" (Pointing to her umbilical cord stump) and "Awww, good boy Paisley. You such a good boy." Lolol! I had to explain that she's a girl, and no she does not have a penis, lol!

My big boy also got a haircut "like Daddy" today. Even though it isn't really like Daddy's at all, since Daddy shaved his head and I was NOT going to allow that for Adlai, he got a cute new do. It was getting super long - too long - so it was time for a summer cut. He looks smashing and his long luscious eyelashes are quite the main attraction now. He's already got a girlfriend in preschool named Sophia. I don't blame her, for letting him give her hugs and kisses, he's quite a dashing little stallion.

As for my big girl, Zyan started camp and she's doing gymnastics 3 times a week and wants to go more. She's helping me like crazy, and I'm just waiting for the day when she says she's over it. I hope that day never comes, because she is so sweet and loving and I honestly don't know what I would ever do without her. Love that girl!!!

Father's Day was last Sunday and we went to Seal Beach and had a great time. It was Paisley's first beach trip and she wore her bonnet that her Auntie Tristy gave her. I nearly died when I put it on her it was so damn cute. I didn't get great pics but here are a few of the last month that are my favorites:

Nursing on day 8

Our first family outing with Paisley - a walk down the street to our friend's house!

And my favorite, Adlai holds Paisley on the day she was born..... notice how he strokes her hands and arm.

Sweet Child O' Mine....

We Welcome Our Newest Little Sweet Princess~
Paisley Fae Ha
8 lbs. 13 oz (Oh My!)
22 inches
May 22, 2010 8:08am

The Birth Story......
On Friday night I had been feeling like I was really close to labor – lots of Braxton Hicks and just overall discomfort and a very low, heavy belly. I went to sleep and woke up at 5:58am on Saturday morning with cramping. It felt like I had to go to the bathroom so I wasn’t sure if that was it or if it was really contractions. I went to the bathroom and laid back down but the cramping continued. I woke up Kim and we snuggled in bed for a few minutes, and then he got up to set up the birthing tub. By 6:25 I’d had 3 good contractions that were painful. I called one of my midwives, Shelley, but she was at another birth. I called the other midwife, Seannie at 6:30am and she said she would get ready and to call back immediately if things picked up.


Up until then the 3 contractions had been 10 minutes apart, but as soon as I hung up I had one 5 min later and then they jumped to 2 minutes apart. I went and woke up Zyan and told her we were going to have our baby today! She was so excited! I laid with her for a few minutes and she called my best friend Cassandra to come over. At that point they were starting to get really painful, and any time I stood up I had a really bad one. I called Seannie to tell her to hurry. By that time it was 7am and I was really having to breath through them. I laid in bed on my side while I waited for the tub to finish filling. By 7:30, I called Seannie again because I felt like I was beginning transition. She showed up moments later with Robin, the asst midwife ad they began setting up. They were rushing around and seemed pretty intense, so I just stayed in bed. I could feel the head coming down the birth canal and I knew I was almost fully dialated.

Cassandra arrived at some point and began taking pictures. Olina, our nanny, also arrived to pick up the dog. My plan was that she would take the dog and leave (he is very hyper) but somehow she ended up staying to help with the kids. It wasn’t what I wanted but I wasn’t in a state to care, and I think it worked out okay because Cassandra was able to focus on taking pics. I got into the tub around 7:45 I think. I was starting to feel small urges to push so they told me to go ahead and start pushing anytime.

My water hadn’t broken yet, so Seannie asked me if I wanted her to break it or leave it. I decided to have her break it. I think it was almost 8am by now, and I could reach down and feel the baby’s head. Seannie broke my water just with a little pinch of the sac and I immediately felt intense urges to push. I started pushing and as soon as the head was out, Seannie told me to try and only do small pushes so she could gently get the rest of the baby out. At one point I thought maybe she was stuck because Seannie seemed to be working really hard to get her out, but I kept doing small pushes because I felt like I might tear if I pushed any harder. Seannie told me later the baby wasn’t stuck but she wanted to stretch my perineum so I wouldn’t tear. After a few more small pushes I felt the baby completely come out and I lifted baby into my arms at 8:08 am.

I still didn’t know boy or girl, but I wasn’t even thinking about that, I just held baby tight. Kim kept saying “What is it, what is it?” so finally I looked and I was TOTALLY expecting to see a penis. I was SO shocked when I saw little girl parts!! I think I said “OH MY GOD IT’S A GIRL!!!” And Kim said “Hi Paisley! Hi little Paisley!” It was truly the best surprise of my life. I was soooo happy to be able to give Zyan the sister she’s always wanted. And I know Adlai will be an amazing big brother to his little sister.

Zyan and Adlai had been in the living room all this time ( I really wanted Zyan there for the birth but she left the room) so I asked Cassandra to go get them. At first she couldn’t find them- the nanny had taken them outside – so Kim called her and they came in. I was REALLY disappointed when Cassandra couldn’t find them. I really wanted them there. But they showed up within minutes and Zyan and Adlai got to meet their new sister! Zyan was ecstatic. Adlai was adorable saying “Hi Paisley, hi!” Zyan told me later that she was really glad the nanny was there and that hearing me in pain was making her nervous, so I’m glad it worked out for her that way. I was still really disappointed because I didn’t ask the nanny to stay and it wasn’t part of my plan, but I accept that it happened that way for a reason.

After a few minutes I moved to the bed and began to nurse Paisley. It was such a whirlwind but such a beautiful, amazing experience. It was worth every minute of waiting to see her beautiful face, and the home birth was the best experience I could’ve asked for. I actually wish it lasted a little longer because it was so joyous. I can’t believe I have been blessed with a beautiful baby once again.

Confessions (Ramblings) of an Overdue Pregnant Woman

Ok, so according to my doctor, I'm overdue. According to my personal calendar (wink, wink) I'm due tomorrow. But of course no one cares what my personal calendar says or the fact that I *KNOW* when I got pregnant. So I'm "overdue." Alright, I'll take it. Because in reality, there is no good excuse for what I'm about to write, so I'll just use the excuse that I'm overdue and totally off my rocker....

Today on the way to my midwife appt that I was already late for, I missed the exit and kept driving for miles all the way into L.A. before I realized it.

Then I had a doc appt for the dumb NST, and afterward I couldn't find my keys. Looked ALL over the office only to go down to the car and find them in the front seat of my unlocked car.

Then I grabbed some food and as I was walking to my car I looked down to see it had leaked ALL over my dress. HUGE pregnant lady in a dress with sauce all over it in a very public place. I went home and changed the dress.

Then I was entering a parking garage and talking to Zyan and when the car in front of me went thru the little stall thingy, I just drove straight forward (forgot to pull a ticket) and the stall almost came down on my car! I had to slam on the breaks (huge screech- all eyes on me) and reverse to pull a ticket.

Then we picked up Adlai and as I put him in the car I stepped into a nasty gutter puddle which soaked the bottom of my second dress. I had to roll my dress up to my crotch and drive home that way so it wouldn't get all over my legs and the seats.

Then Kim was super grumpy at dinner because Adlai was pulling one of his major crying sessions where he cries for no reason and you can't do anything to console him, and then I started crying because everyone is so damn grumpy and sick and tired and I just want to have a nice, peaceful, happy, excited, last few days before we welcome this new baby!

In Kim's defense I really feel for him because I know he is feeling super guilty that he is so sick and completely exhausted - the pneumonia really sucks the life out of you and I read it could be up to a MONTH before the fatigue is gone! So he was trying to do all of these things to help like make dinner and take care of the kids and wash the dishes and Adlai was just screaming the whole time. I kept telling Kim to lay down and he wouldn't, just a stressful night. And my hormones are just ridiculous. ....


Luckily, tomorrow is a new day. We are going out to breakfast, and then later on my bff is going to come over and help me do last minute things around the house. I think tomorrow will be a nice day and then maybe I'll have the baby tomorrow night or over the weekend.....I wrote Kim a nice little love letter too :)

Due Day

So my ticker says "0 days" left today!!! EEEEEK! It's my due date! But it's almost over, lol! AND...... no baby. But that's ok, because as I may have mentioned before, I LIKE being pregnant. **A LOT** Especially these last days, the waiting ones. The suspense is so exciting, and I'm glad this babe is giving me the gift I longed for last time around ~ more time. I felt so taken off guard when Adlai came early, but I loved it. This time I'm taken off guard that the baby is "late" but I love that too.
Unfortunately, Kim has come down with a mild case of pneumonia. I feel terrible for him and I know he wants to be in good health when the baby comes, so I think (and hope!) this little one will just sit back and relax for a few days until Daddy is ready to do some baby catching....

Here are a couple of pics Zyan took of me tonight. I think the belly dropped!

Not Just Anotha' Motha'

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh"

Another Mother's Day in the books.... only this one's different. It's the last one I'll have being a mother of two. Well, technically LAST year was the last one as a mother of two, because I'm already a mother of three, but I didn't know it so I'll count it as this one, reworded: last Mother's Day with 2 children outside the womb. I can't believe it! It's so exciting, knowing that my family is growing, into a little "crew" as my friend calls it. I can't wait to see this little baby. I can't wait to see if it looks like Zy, or Adlai, or neither, or both. I can't wait for this baby to see all of the love waiting here outside, his or her big brother and sister just waiting patiently to hold and cuddle. I can't wait to fill the picture frames that are waiting to be filled by this mysterious new member of our family.... Anticipation.

I always say I love the waiting part, and I do. I am grateful because even if I had the baby tonight, or tomorrow, I would still feel like I got some of that waiting time. It has been setting in the last few days. I feel pretty ready, and each day even more. Yesterday Kim put the car seat in. Today I put on my new bedspread. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get new curtains for Zyan's room - one of the very last decorating projects to be done. The house is mostly clean, and 15 minutes to company ready. The baby clothes are sorted, washed and put away, and the gender specific clothes are ready to be brought out as soon as this sweet baby shows us who he or she is. The names are picked out ~ mostly. There's room for a little leeway in that area, lol.

These are the moments I always cherish ~ growing a beautiful baby inside my belly, awaiting it's arrival, relaxing and relishing in each moment before the big day. I am so thankful to be in this moment, as a mother, a wife, a friend. I feel inspired, and for that I am extremely grateful. It is something I always long for, and don't want to let go of.

Speaking of inspiration, here are some of my favorite photos of the last couple of months:

I am a mama moose.

I am now a moose. Well, my belly feels like a moose anyway. This belly has suddenly become it's own entity, and it's ALIVE! It feels like this kid is trying to break out of jail.... so cute. I love it. Have I mentioned I love being pregnant? I miss it already and it's not even over yet.

But my widget says 19 days left, and that's IF I make it! IF! I am starting to get super excited and a little nervous. I still don't know where to put the birthing tub?! I can't decide if I want to birth in my room, the baby's room, or the living room. I originally thought the living room because it's the largest room in the house and there is music available and family pics... but the more I think of it, the more I want to be able to hide away if I want to, and that means my bedroom. It's just so small... I dunno. I guess I will decide when I go into labor and stop worrying about it now.

I am at the point where I'm not sure what to do with myself. LOL - there is still plenty I can do, but the major projects are done and so now it is just sort of occupying time. I love this waiting game. I can't wait to see what this little one looks like, and if it's a boy or a girl! But for now, I just love feeling it dancing around in there, safe and sound. I love you baby.